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March 5, 2012
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Eggmen: Mercenary Legends:

The year was Age 746. Fire–Egg was at the threshold of his twenty–first birthday. He would soon be a first–class adult, entirely responsible for taking care of himself. Only, he had already been taking care of himself for ten years now. For ten years since his time in the Esabbiv Forest, he had roamed planet Ergnoplis alone, acting as a crime–fighter and heroic mercenary who was in it chiefly for the thrill of adventure. Whenever an opportunity for glory arose, Fire–Egg answered. And he was, indeed, accumulating glory, for he had established himself as a contemporary superhero, a legend among Mulshian–kind. He had undergone many great endeavors in this ten–year interval, however this story is not about those events; perhaps some of them will be explored another time. But for now, the event of concern was the rapidly approaching and destined meeting of two wayward souls…

Fire–Egg was meditating on a slab in the center of an abandoned circle of small stone monoliths in the middle of a desert, one of many scattered throughout the Southwestern hemisphere of the planet's main continent, which had been built there centuries ago by unknown ancient beings. He had recently thwarted another group of would–be bank robbers, managing to subdue them while killing only one out of five. That was in South Egg City, the most inhospitable developed area of the planet. There, the rich were exceptionally wealthy and the poor were exceptionally penniless, with the former actively taking advantage of the latter and virtually no middle class. The city itself was built on a physical slope and consisted of monumental office buildings and excessive manors on one elevated Western side, and dilapidated slums on the Eastern side below. Fire–Egg was depressed by that place, and he hoped he would not have to go there again for a while.
Suddenly he became bored of meditating (again), and determined to go do something. Perhaps he would revisit North Egg City, which he was fond of for its elevated terraces and trio of themed MetaQuariums, or maybe he would take another trip across the Middle Landbridge, along which were the home encampments of many of the remaining Mulshian tribes. The tribal society had been the first form of civilization to emerge on Ergnoplis, and a few Mulshians had refused to abandon it as the rest of the population moved on to a technology–based society. Ah, yes; Fire–Egg liked those people! He would go visit them right now!

But just then as he was about to get up and go, he caught sight, near the Eastern horizon, of a Veh–Pod car floating towards where he was. Fire–Egg stood up and walked out to get a better look at the vehicle as it approached. The car was, like all Veh–Pods, a circular cockpit atop an inflated base with a fan on the bottom that emitted anti–gravitational airwaves allowing it to float a few inches above the ground; an on–land hovercraft. But this one was different from others. It was a sleek, shiny black color, and clearly belonged to someone important. The car drew closer to the circle of stones and became more clearly visible so that Fire–Egg could properly observe these features. Driving it was a portly brown Mulshian with a face as chubby as his body. He slowed down and looked Fire–Egg in the face as he drew sufficiently near, and then came to a stop and stepped out of the Veh–Pod. The wandering mutant walked up to the mysterious man and made sure that it was he who spoke the first "Hello." followed by "Who are you and what do you want?"

"My name is Paul." the fat man said.
"Your name is what?" Fire–Egg could not help but chuckle despite his characteristic stoicism.
Paul sighed. "Yes, my name is Paul. Are you going to keep laughing at me like everyone else or can we actually talk about why I came to you?"
"I'm sorry, but you just have to admit that's the most ridiculous name ever. Your parents must have hated you."
"Be that as it may, that's beside the point! I've been tracking you all day with this Track–Yobob."
"Those guys from Alpha Octant who don't believe in God?"
"Not Boxyobob, Track–Yobob. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it. It can track any individual given a sample of their DNA."
"And just where and how did you get my DNA?"
"That robbery you thwarted a few days ago?"
"What of it?"
"My associates managed to register your essence at scene of the incident last night, which was, might I add, a real miracle given how old the DNA evidence was by that point."
"You're from South Egg."
"That would be correct. I am here on behalf of South Egg's honorable President Yunk McMonkBur with an urgent request that you grace our city with your unique and highly efficient brand of justice once again and put an end to a serious ongoing case that came up later the same day you were last there."
"Honorable" indeed. The man who ruled South Egg was a corrupt, no–good elitist tyrant, and although he did feel somewhat honored that his services were being asked for by one of the most powerful men on Ergnoplis, Fire–Egg was bitter. "Forget it, Paul. Tell your president that it's he who need's to fix the mess he's created over there."
"I'm afraid you… you don't understand, Mr. Fire–Egg. There appears to… there's an Ohgroid in the city."

The Ohgroid was the sickest and vilest type of demon in existence: a sadistic, vicious, rampaging murder–torture–rapist. Even other demons, including the other Lust–based rapists, were utterly disgusted by it and made a point of killing Ohgroids as soon as possible whenever they appeared, in part because the monster's violence also extended to them. But somehow, one had recently managed to make the climb up the Shaft of Mortality and into the mortal realm to wreck its terrible carnage on the innocent.

"WHAT?" Fire–Egg said in shock at hearing its mention. He had heard of the Ohgroid before, but had never known of one being in the Prime Galaxy, let alone on Ergnoplis! He sort of assumed that they were incapable of crossing the Dimensional Rift, but evidently this assumption had been wrong.
Paul flinched back. "I'm sorry, Mr. Fire–Egg, please don't burn me with your horrible fire–burning powers!"
"I'm not going to burn you. Quite the opposite, you've just gotten my attention. How many victims have there been so far?"
"Three, plus one who survived! About one attack every day since you've been away! Two people claim to have actually seen the beast, those being the person who survived her encounter with it and her brother, who saved her, and the bodies were all prepubescent females and they were all similarly, horribly, unmistakably mutilated; there's nothing else that could have done such horrible things in such horrible ways."
"Say no more, you have me on the case." Fire–Egg pounded his fist into his palm, imagining what he would do to the Ohgroid when he found it. Since his epiphany, he had made a point of only deliberately killing the unquestionably evil. That's why he had killed the criminal during his previous trip to South Egg: he was the leader of that small gang and had killed a bank teller before Fire–Egg had shown up. Though he made a reasonable effort to control it, the urge for sadistic violence was still in his heart, and the Ohgroid was something he could live out his most vicious fantasies against without guilt. He would torture that thing to the agonizingly slow and painful death it deserved.

"Please, take my vehicle." Paul said. "It's a one–seater, of course, and you're obviously more important in this situation than I."
"That is true." said Fire–Egg.
"I trust that you know the way to South Egg. The murders have been occurring in the poor side of the city, of course. However, I recommend that you see President McMonkBur in the city capital building first. He can give you information regarding the locations of the attacks and the people you can talk to while investigating; friends and family of the victims, you know?"
By the time he finished his sentence Fire–Egg was already inside the Veh–Pod, and without another response he took off toward South Egg. He had heard every word of the instructions, though Paul wasn't sure he had and briefly yelled at him to wait as he zoomed away.

Less than one hour later, Fire–Egg had reached the rich side of South Egg City. He abandoned Paul's Veh–Pod on the outskirts of the town, as some people looked at him strangely, probably recognizing from his previous trips to the city, and proceeded to venture down the streets to the capital building. It was a big, yellow building with a long, narrow stairway leading up to the massive front door which was under an archway held up by columns. Rotating on a metal pole on top of the building was a glowing three–dimensional oval with zigzag markings engraved across its vertical middle. Fire–Egg hurried up the stairs and knocked on the door. A slit opened in it revealing somebody's slanted eyes inside. "Who are you and what is your intended business here?" a voice said.
"I call myself Fire–Egg, and I have been summoned here by a man named Paul who claims to work for the president of this city."
"And just how am I to know that you are the real Fire–Egg?" the voice said incredulously.
Fire–Egg jerked his arm and his hand lit on fire. "How's this for proof?"
The eyes widened in amazement. "I'm quite sorry, sir. Please, come inside."
A button was heard being pressed from behind the doors and they started retracting into the walls, revealing the tan–skinned doorman, who made sure to stay out of Fire–Egg's way without another word as he came inside, as well as the grandiose entry hall of the capital building. Sitting behind a circular counter across the room, in front of two converging staircases that led to the next level of the establishment, was an attractive and quite well–endowed young woman with a square turquoise forehead crest and wearing a bright green sombrero that concealed whatever crown features she had. Fire–Egg walked up to her, totally ignoring her looks; he'd taught himself long ago not to be distracted by pretty women; and before she could give him the greeting she was contractually obliged to give to everyone that came to her workplace, he spoke to her first: "I'm Fire–Egg. I'm here to kill an Ohgroid. Where is the president?"

When he mentioned that terrible monster the secretary's cheery demeanor immediately gave way to seriousness. "I see." she said. "President McMonkBur has been expecting you. Please, take the express elevator up to his office!"
"Express elevator? What express el–" before Fire–Egg could finish his sentence, a totally inconspicuous and seamless piece of wall to the side of the staircases suddenly retracted into the floor revealing behind it a pair of shiny metal elevator doors. "Nevermind, I see."
Fire–Egg left the secretary and pressed the button to activate the elevator. Inside, the walls were padded with red cushions, and he looked at the buttons: "Second Floor: Conference Room", "Third Floor: Dining Hall", "Fourth Floor: Bowling Alley", "Fifth Floor: Porn Stash", aha: "Sixth Floor: President's Dwellings". Fire–Egg pressed that last button, and up he went. Folk music played briefly, and the doors opened to a quaint yet fancy office study with bookcases lining the walls and a polished wooden floor. Across it was the desk of Yunk McMonkBur, whose name was printed on a faux–gold nameplate in front of his seat, next to a clock modeled after a cartoon character. Behind him was a massive window through which the poor side of the city could be seen below.
"Mr. Fire–Egg!" the president said almost immediately as the mutant's presence in his office became visible. "Please, just have a seat next to me." He grabbed a chair that was right beside his own. "There is no need for formalities."
Fire–Egg paid no attention to the corrupt leader's politeness, and confronted him standing up. "Listen, you. I came here for one reason, and that's to put a stop to the monster you say is loose down there in the slums you so gleefully neglect. Let me make it clear right now that I have no respect for you, McMonkBur. Now, give me the documents and information I need for my investigation and I'll be on my way. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the innocent people being hurt down there."
The president frowned at him. "And I thought you were a hero. Well, if you want to get right to the point, we shall get to it. Well, obviously, we have an Ohgroid in South Egg City. He's climbing in your windows, snatching your people up, and trying to rape them, so you need to go kill him! Here is a map of the city's Eastern side with the locations of the attacks marked. Go find that monstrosity and burn it!"
Fire–Egg snatched the papers from him and left the capital building without another word.

Without hesitating, Fire–Egg went behind the building and slid down the slope to the other side of the city, rather than walking around it. Once he was near enough to the ground, he jumped off, spun around in the air, and landed on the roof of a rectangular hut. The only problem was, this hut was made out of wood, and when he touched it, he broke through the ceiling and came crashing down onto a table inside the house, which broke as well.
"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL?!?!" screamed the older, bearded man who lived there when this happened. Furious, he grabbed into a cabinet next to him and pulled out a crude shotgun, while Fire–Egg picked himself up. As he checked his body for splinters, he suddenly found himself being stared down by the shaft of a deadly weapon being held right in his face. "You owe me 2,000 egg'n in property damages!" said the man angrily. "And you ain't leaving this town alive unless you get it to me!"
"Woah dude, please, calm down!" said Fire–Egg, pushing the weapon away with his hand. "I'm sorry I damaged your home, it's just that I'm used to stunts like that and kind of assumed your roof was made of something stronger." He looked around the room and noticed just how run down the place was. "Oh my God sir, you do seem to be in severe economic trouble."
"Um, yeah, ya think?!"
"Well, yes I do think. Is everyone around these parts really this poor?"
"Yes. You're in the poor side of the poor side of town."
"Look, I'll tell you what, Mr…"
"Mr. Frobhiy, right. After I take care of this town's Ohgroid problem, I'll go to President McMonkBur and make sure he sends some help to you and the rest of the peasants in this town!"
"What makes you think he'll listen to you? And did you say you're here to get rid of the Ohgroid?"
"Yes. I am known as Fire–Egg, and the president has enlisted me for that very purpose. Once my mission is accomplished, he will be in debt to me, and if he refuses, I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. But if any of that's gonna happen I need you to let this unfortunate accident go for now so I can get down to business."
"Okay…." said Frbohiy, understandingly. "But really make sure they send us some help! This whole town's a wreck…"

Fire–Egg walked carefully out the door and into the damp and gutter–like streets outside. He took out the map the president had given him and took a look at it. To his surprise, the paper had been folded many more times than he'd thought, and when fully unfolded the map was as big as Fire–Egg and revealed a detailed layout of the entire Eastern half of South Egg City. There were three dark red spots and one lighter red one, all near the top of the map. Fire–Egg deduced that the lighter mark was the location of the woman who had survived her attack, and that he was currently on the Western edge of the area covered by the map. He took out a compass and started heading Northeast.
After a few minutes of walking and weaving around the crowded buildings, he was stopped by a grey, hairy old lady who recognized him. "I know you!" she said. "You're the young man who is immune to fire!"
"That I am." said Fire–Egg. "And you would know me from…?"
"A few cycles back, you saved my husband from a burning building, lit aflame by a crazed pyromaniac!"
"Oh yes, I remember that… Getting past those flames myself was easy. Getting everyone else out was not."
"I never got a chance to thank you, young man! You–"
"Please, save your gratitude old–timer. If you really want to help me out, do you know anything about any of the recent Ohgroid attacks?"
"Oh, who doesn't? It's awful, simply awful! I'm beginning to fear for my own safety!"
"Fear no more. I'm here to put a stop to the beast. But do you know anything about any of the people who were attacked? What about the survivor?"
"Oh, yes! I know that family personally. The girl's name is Nancy. She had…. her hand was bitten off by that demon!"
"How did she escape?"
"Her brother saved her." Fire–Egg now recalled that Paul had mentioned that to him earlier. "He's… well, he's an idiot, but he has the most peculiar power to control liquids! He's almost a bit like… well, a bit like you!"
Now, Fire–Egg was even more invested in the case: was there really another Mulshian mutant with powers that complemented his so directly? He felt the need to find out, and, well, he was about to. "Thank you, Ma'am. Now I really must be going!" And he ran off towards that location marked on his map.
"Good luck! Say hi to the water boy for me!"

After some more walking, Fire–Egg came to the home of Nancy and her brother. It looked like all the other buildings in Eastern South Egg: a wreck, but he was able to pinpoint precisely which one it was because his map was just that detailed. He knocked on the door a few times, and then a slit opened in it revealing a pair of eyes. "Yes?" said a timid female voice.
"Hello, I'm Fire–Egg. I'm here to help you. Would your name happen to be… Nancy?"
"Yes… Yes it is." She seemed to be crying a little bit.
"Okay. Listen, I know you were attacked, hurt and traumatized, and probably don't want to talk to anyone right now, but I'm here to stop the monster that did this to you from hurting more people. Please, open the door."
"How do I know I can trust you?"
"Because I was sent here by the president."
"…….Well, I can't argue with that logic! Come on in!" The door was pushed open, almost hitting Fire–Egg, and behind it Nancy was revealed to be quite young indeed: she was a child, and was actually standing on a slight stool to be able to reach the height of an adult, where the eye–slit was. Fire–Egg quickly took note of the bloody cast wrapped around the stump where her left hand would normally be. He cringed inside at the thought of the Ohgroid not only doing that to a defenseless child, but intending to do more. He normally would have set himself aflame in rage, but he knew he could not for it would frighten and intimidate Nancy.
"I was told your idiot brother saved you?"
Nancy nodded her body.
"Where is he now?"
"He's working at the fast food restaurant a few blocks down. He should be home in a few hours, you can come back then. Or, you know, stay here until then. Daddy's not very active nowadays, so I could use some company."
"I take it your mother, then, is… not around?"
She nodded again. "Mother died last year. She was an old woman. And, for the record, I was adopted and so was my brother. We're not actually blood relatives."
"Fine then, I'll stay and wait for your 'brother' to show up." And Fire–Egg walked inside. This home was in better shape on the inside than the other one he had crashed into, but not by much. There was a small kitchen behind the entry room, which had a bathroom door on one side and a staircase leading up to a shared bedroom on the other. "Where's your adoptive father right now?"
"He's upstairs, sleeping. Please don't disturb him, brother will wake him up when he comes home." Nancy stepped down from her stool and followed Fire–Egg to the kitchen, where they sat down at a table that had some flowers in a vase on it.
"What is your brother's name?"
"About that… you see, our adoptive parents don't believe in assigning names for people unless they're your biological children. My own parents gave me up because they couldn't support me, but they'd given me my name before that. Brother, he was abandoned at birth."
"And why was that?"
"Because he's mentally–challenged. He's… a retard, I'm afraid. His real parents probably didn't keep him long enough to become aware of his powers."
"That's cruel. But my parents knew of my powers even when I was a small child. How could they have been aware of his mental condition and not his status as a mutant?"
"To your question, his abilities were latent and not physically manifested at first. And since mutations are so rare among our kind, I suppose the doctors didn't bother to scan him for any."
"Huh. And nextly, if your guardians don't know your 'brother''s real name, what do you call him?"
"Well, once mother and father discovered his control over liquid, they started calling him… 'Water–Egg'. That's what we've usually called him since, and what he calls himself now."
"So he really can control water?"
"Believe me, I've witnessed what he is capable of, and if you stick around you should see for yourself soon."
Fire–Egg would believe it when he saw it, and he really hoped he would see it. "Water–Egg"… such a perfect counterpart for him! He had grown lonely, and was longing for a companion in his travels…

A few minutes passed in silence. "Nancy?" Fire–Egg asked.
"If it's at all possible, it would be a tremendous help if you could tell me what happened when the Ohgroid attacked you."
Nancy's eyes widened. "No…. please, don't make me go there!"
"You have to trust me, girl. It will help us save others like you from what happened to you and worse! Anything you can bring yourself to tell me, please do."
"Okay…. It all happened two nights ago. I was in my bed when I woke up in the middle of the night to some strange noises from downstairs. I decided to venture down there out of curiosity and boredom. I didn't expect what was down there to be anything more than insects or rodents, you know? But when I'd tiptoed down the stairs, I turned and standing right there was the hideously grinning face of the most horrible thing I've seen in my life! It would have come up to get me even if I hadn't come down to it. That monster grabbed me, took me outside, and started beating me sadistically! My body is still a little bruised… And then, then it opened up its slimy, gaping mouth, put its lips around my hand, and bit down slowly! That thing's saliva… it's like acid! I really thought I was going to die!" Nancy began to burst into tears and fell over on the table.
Fire–Egg consoled her. "You're doing a great job. Be strong."
"…Right… Well, that's when my brother heard what was happening and came to my rescue. As the Ohgroid was about to start… you know, raping me, he suddenly appeared in the doorway like an angel sent to save me, and when he saw the demon, he screamed at the top of his lungs! It woke up father, of course, and probably several other people in the homes nearby, and caught the Ohgroid's attention. Water–Egg held up his hand and shot an intense stream of water in the monster's face! I don't know where he got that water from, but it hit the Ohgroid right in the third eye. It screamed as it held its hands over the bleeding eye, and ran away. My brother would have followed it and killed it if I wasn't already injured, but since I was, he ran over to help me first…."
Nancy went on about how she was taken to the hospital and how her adoptive father learned of and reacted to the incident. Fire–Egg diverted some of his attention into his own mind, for he had already learned everything he needed to know for now. And then, there was a knock on the door.

Fire–Egg literally leaped up from the chair and rushed over to answer it. He opened it without even looking through the eye–slit, and standing right there in the doorway in front of him was… Oseeron! Nah, just kidding! It was the Ohgroid!!!
Ha! Got you again! It was Lord Reson with a whole army of demons who had already laid waste to everything outside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I'll stop now. It was Water–Egg. He was a man perhaps slightly younger than Fire–Egg, and slightly shorter. He was blue, of course, and had big, round eyes with wide, zoned–out pupils. He had pink shoulders, and two horns on each side of his head, as well as a spiked head crest. "Who you?" he said in an offbeat voice.
"I'm Fire–Egg. There's no need to introduce yourself, Water–Egg. I've learned all about you from Nancy here, and I'd like to talk to you about what happened the other night, and how you can help me get that bastard who hurt your sister."
"Yes, Water–Egg. The Ohgroid."
"Aaah! BAD! Evil, evil man!"
"Yes, I know… and not even a man, a monster!"
"You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

They all sat down again, and Fire–Egg asked Water–Egg for his take on what happened. He asked about what he saw, and what he did.
"Monster… monster's horrible penises gonna go inside Nancy! Can't happen, won't let it! I hit bad monster! Hard!"
"What did you do to hit it?"
"I make water in eye!"
"Can you normally make Water?"
"I don't know… usually only control existing water… but I very mad. Wanted to make water!"
Fire–Egg understood based on his own experiences. When Water–Egg was emotionally enraged, he could do things he couldn't do otherwise. His powers had hidden potential, yet to be fully realized.
"Water–Egg, I have a proposal for you."
"Yes, what?"
"I, too, have special powers like you. I have control over fire, the element opposite to yours. Together, we could do great things, starting with the destruction of this monster that is terrorizing your town. I am a traveller. A lone wanderer, if you will. I want you to come with me. I could help you gain mastery of your powers."
"What?" said Water–Egg, surprised.
"WHAT?" said Nancy, shocked.
Fire–Egg had forgotten all about his potential apprentice's existing relationship with his adoptive sister when he made that offer.
Nancy went on, "You can't take Water–Egg away from me! He's the only one who can take care of me now in father's old age!"
"Okay… wow…. how about, I take your brother with me to help stop the Ohgroid, and after that first and foremost issue is taken care of, then we talk more about this, okay Nancy?"
"I'll let you do that together, and we will talk about this more afterwards, but no matter what you say, I'm not letting you take big brother away from me!"
"I'll take that as a 'maybe'." Nancy glared at Fire–Egg.

"Water–Egg, let's go outside."
Water–Egg didn't say anything this time, but he stood up to follow his fellow mutant out of the house. They went out, and it was now early in the evening. Fire–Egg pulled out his map again, and started making his way to the other homes marked on it, those belonging to the people who didn't survive their encounters with the killer. Fire–Egg talked to each of the families, and they were grim conversations indeed. But he did get some valuable information out of them. The murders had all been at night, every night, and all the victims were young women. Young women. After visiting all three homes, Fire–Egg met up with Water–Egg again. "That son of an Iltazan is preying on little girls! We have to stop him tonight, before he can take another life!"
"Call him that is insult to Iltazan." replied Water–Egg with some rare words of wisdom from him.
"You're right. In any case, it's clear that the Ohgroid's area of operation is in this particular Northern area of town. He's most likely to attack one of the little girls who live closest to where we are right now. We need to locate those homes, and lie in wait there during the night!"
"How do we alert when find monster?"
"Right again… we should take a trip to the Westside – quickly, before night falls, and get something to communicate with!"

Fire–Egg and Water–Egg got into the first Taxi–Pod they found and ordered that they be taken to the edge of town. They got out without paying, stating their excuse that they were out to stop a serial killer and rapist, and hurried into the Western side of South Egg and then to the nearest gadget store. They shoplifted a pair of Communocatites, again stating the same excuse, and hurried back to where they started, ripping off another taxi driver in the process. It was now dark outside, and the three moons were all full in the night sky. "We're running out of time! The Ohgroid could strike at any time now!"
They split up and went to the various houses asking where the little girls were. At first they were accused of being pedophiles themselves, and one woman slapped Fire–Egg in the face, but once they were able to explain themselves the pair learned the locations of the two nearest prepubescent females.
They each barged into one of the houses, explained that they were there to protect the residents (they had some difficulty getting them to accept their presence, especially Water–Egg who could barely speak in complete sentences).
Then, for the next few hours, they waited there stationed by the doorways.
And they waited.
And waited.
And waited.

Until finally, the Ohgroid showed itself. It was nearly midnight at the house where Water–Egg was. Just as he was starting to fall asleep, suddenly cracks started appearing around the door in front of him. As he leaned in to examine what was happening, the door was ripped out of the wall and tossed aside into the street, revealing a six foot tall humanoid behemoth with an evil grin on its greasy face, a naked body covered in all sorts of gross bodily fluids, two nonfunctional slime–covered wings, three dangling penises, an inside–out anus, very muscular and phallic limbs, and a spot of dried blood where a third eye had until recently been. Water–Egg recognized it, and it recognized Water–Egg. So upon seeing it, the first thing the young man did was run past it screaming, barely scraping against the demon's oil–excreting flesh, and yelling into his Communocatite, "I found Ohgroid! Repeat, I found the Ohgroid!!!" There was no response, but Water–Egg almost immediately saw his ally emerge from a building far across the street, kicking the front door down from the inside, and run over to him, his hands engulfed in fireballs.
"Where is that mother***er?!"
"He went inside!" said Water–Egg, not quite grasping the urgency of the situation.
"Oh s***!" said Fire–Egg as he started running inside. "Follow me, boy!"
They both ran up the stairs and found the Ohgroid looming over a young girl as well as her parents in the bedroom, who had already been woken up by the noises but weren't able to evacuate through the window in time. Fire–Egg delivered a flaming ram to the Ohgroid diagonally from behind, and sent it crashing through said window. "Are you okay?" he asked the family, who nodded their heads silently while clearly meaning to urge him to go after the monster, who had surely survived that one attack and slight fall. Fire–Egg and Water–Egg jumped down through the window quickly but carefully, and chased the Ohgroid down the back alley. It was then that they discovered its lair: the sewer. The duo saw the monstrosity crawl through a wide open pipe amid some piles of garbage and residue, and taking deep breaths, they braved the disgusting trash and crawled through into the disgusting beast's disgusting lair.

The cramped pipe continued for a considerable distance, and it took them more than a full minute to crawl all the way through into the open sewer. The Ohgroid, meanwhile, had been able to make it through much faster since its body was so oily and since it was so used to going through there. Eventually, the two Mulshians found themselves inside the sewer system that ran throughout the entirety of South Egg City. And their target was nowhere in sight. Then, for what seemed like hours, Fire–Egg led the way as they wadded through the slime, feces and urine, using his hand as a torch. "What if we don't find?" asked Water–Egg worriedly. "We will find that thing, and we will kill it, otherwise we will die in here." said Fire–Egg determinedly.
And sure enough, after many twists and turns, they found what they were looking for. Upon making a right turn, Fire–Egg and his companion found themselves faces to face with a bloodied Ohgroid staring down at them from across the tunnel. It was injured and enraged. It was as determined to end them as they were to destroy it. They could see that pieces of glass were lodged in its body, and its back was burned. They knew they could kill it; the issue now was to make sure its death was sufficiently slow and painful. It would pay for what it had done to the people of South Egg!

The Ohgroid lumbered towards them. "Back away, Water–Egg." said Fire–Egg. Water–Egg did so, and then Fire–Egg attempted to light his whole body on fire. But the wet environment made it impossible to do so properly, and he could only set himself aflame from the knees up. Now, the Ohgroid was savage, but not stupid. When it saw this, it spun around and splashed a small wave of the sewer's contents at the heroes, extinguishing Fire–Egg, who, after having his flames extinguished by liquid or another outside force, became exhausted and could not use his powers for several minutes. In addition, the muck had covered his body, blinding and disorienting him. Now they were in trouble.
The Ohgroid let out an evil laugh and started running towards the staggered Fire–Egg, intending to rip him apart. This made Water–Egg very, very angry. Suddenly his eyes lit up dark blue, and with some impromptu movements of his arms, he pulled the muck off of Fire–Egg as if it were putty, then compacted it into a ball and launched it at the Ohgroid. It hit the demon so hard that it might as well have been a stone, sending it flying backward and landing in the dirty liquid with a splash, before its body disappeared into the slime.
Fire–Egg was still gathering himself and wasn't sure what had just happened, but he knew that the fight was not over. "Whatever you just did was great." he said. "But stay on guard, that thing is not dead yet. Trust me…" Soon they started to hear a rumbling below them, and felt something passing through the slime beneath them. And then, they turned around to see the Ohgroid rising up again through the liquid, now even dirtier than before, and as they watched in horror and backed away, it reached into its anus and pulled out a bloody, rusty hatchet, which it then began to swing as it slowly walked forward. Water–Egg, who was still in the zone, erected small globs as he took steps back and pelted the creature with them, which did little more than annoy and further enrage it. Finally, the Ohgroid quit with the "slowly advancing" strategy and moved on to a "quickly charging" strategy. It raised its weapon over its head and ran at Water–Egg and Fire–Egg with a wide swing of the axe, which they dodged by rolling under it. Fire–Egg then started repeatedly punching the back of the monster's neck with his bare fists, but it retaliated by turning around and delivering a deep cut to his gut. Fire–Egg fell down into the slime like the Ohgroid had before, the liquid exacerbating his heavy bleeding. He started drifting out of consciousness.
Water–Egg was thrown out of his competence zone by this setback. He was now alone and terrified. In his tiny little mind, he thought of Fire–Egg's offers to train him, which he couldn't do if he was dead! And he though of Nancy…
His eyes lit up again, now bigger and brighter than before, and as the Ohgroid's axe came down over his head, he did a backflip out of its way, then held both hands together for a few seconds as the monster charged at him to attack again, and when it was right in front of him he released two solid streams of pure water from either hand directly into the demon's stomach. It roared in pain as it dropped its hatchet, which then sunk into the muck, and the powerful jets slowly tore through its flesh as they pushed it back away from their source, leaving two bloody holes in the Ohgroid's torso. Losing blood but still very much alive and kicking, it charged at Water–Egg again with its bare hands, but this time the Mulshian summoned a spiral of water around his own hand, and punched the beast consecutively in both remaining eyes, which exploded from the intensity of the blows, completely blinding it. Finally, Water–Egg elbowed the Ohgroid's side, sending it crashing into the sewer's brick wall, and then kneeled down and tore its penises off one by one with his bare hands, before repeatedly bashing its skull in against the wall until its head was reduced to a fine yellow paste. He backed away from the Ohgroid's body, which slumped to over and sunk into the townspeople's accumulated excrement, which would be its grave for all eternity. A fitting and well–deserved end for a heartless, soulless abomination.

His personal vengeance complete, Water–Egg calmed down and returned to his normal, stupid self. He was about to start making his way out of the sewer, when he remembered: Fire–Egg! He looked down and saw his ally and potential mentor face–up, thank God, in the muck, which he had not sunk into thanks to the Mulshian body's relatively low density. Water–Egg picked him up, and carrying him on his back, started looking for a way out of the sewers.


Eggmen: Chapter 3by Moleman9000

In which Fire–Egg, on a dangerous mission to stop a truly monstrous villain, comes across an individual much like himself and finds in him his first ally and fellow Eggman!
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